¶ I'M WISHING ON A STAR
¶ TO FOLLOW WHERE YOU ARE
¶ I'M WISHING ON A DREAM
¶ TO FOLLOW WHAT IT MEANS
¶ AND I WISH ON ALL THE RAINBOWS ¶
¶ THAT I'VE SEEN
¶ I WISH ON ALL THE PEOPLE WHO REALLY DREAM ¶
¶ I'M WISHING ON A STAR
¶ TO FOLLOW WHERE YOU ARE.
Girl: MY NAME IS VIRGINIA AND I LIVE ON THE EDGE OF THE FOREST.
( chuckling ): WELL, KIND OF.
MY DAD'S A JANITOR.
THAT'S HOW WE GOT TO HAVE AN APARTMENT
ON THE EDGE OF CENTRAL PARK.
AND YOU MIGHT THINK THAT THE FACT
THAT I STILL LIVE WITH MY DAD IS A BIT SAD AND...
WELL, YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT...
OH!
BUT, I DON'T KNOW, I'M ALL HE'S GOT, REALLY
AND I'M SORT OF PERMANENTLY
BETWEEN BOYFRIENDS AT THE MOMENT.
SO, YOU KNOW...
I'M JUST A WAITRESS AT THE GRILL ON THE PARK
BUT ONE DAY, I'M GOING TO FIND A PARTNER
AND OPEN A RESTAURANT OF MY OWN.
ALL I NEED'S A GOOD MAN WHO'S INTERESTED IN FOOD.
DID YOU SEE THIS?
THIS HAS BEEN CHEWED.
IT'S NOT MY JOB.
THIS IS AN ELECTRICIAN'S JOB, BUT WHO GETS TO DO IT?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
TO WORK, DAD, LIKE I DO EVERY DAY.
OH. UH, ON THE WAY BACK...
USE THE STAIRS.
JUST IN CASE.
( cawing loudly )
WHO'S THERE?
SO, WHERE EXACTLY ARE WE GOING?
TO BEANTOWN, IN THE SOUTHWEST CORNER OF YOUR KINGDOM, SIR.
YOU'RE ACCEPTING
THE THRONE THAT THE CRAFTSMAN THERE
HAVE MADE FOR YOUR CORONATION.
WELL, IS IT MUCH FURTHER?
CAN'T WE STOP AND GO HUNTING OR SOMETHING?
VERY SHORTLY, SIR.
WE MUST MAKE A BRIEF STOP
AT THE SNOW WHITE MEMORIAL PRISON.
( sighs )
I HATE THESE OUTER PROVINCES.
THE PEOPLE ARE SO COMMON.
YOUR STEPMOTHER HAS APPLIED FOR PAROLE AGAIN
WHICH WE WILL, OF COURSE, TURN DOWN.
OH...
IT'S SIMPLY A ROUTINE COURTESY VISIT.
STOP IT!
YOU'RE PATHETIC.
CALL YOURSELVES TROLLS?
YOU MAKE ME ASHAMED.
SORRY, DAD.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I COME AND RESCUE YOU.
DAD, TAKE OFF THE MAGIC SHOES.
I CAN HANDLE THEM.
( groaning )
Father: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M STARTING TO THINK?
THAT THE ONLY KIND OF PEOPLE
THEY WANT IN THIS COUNTRY
ARE GUYS LIKE ME.
YOU KNOW, GUYS WHO WILL WORK FOR SCRAPS, DO SIX JOBS...
BASICALLY, BEND OVER AND TAKE IT.
WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING, DARLING?
TEN, 15 YEARS TOPS
THIS COUNTRY IS FINISHED AS A DEMOCRACY.
AS A CARING SOCIETY, WHERE PEOPLE DO THINGS FOR EACH OTHER
WE'RE DONE, WE'RE FINISHED
WE ARE OUT OF HERE.
YOUR BARBECUE RIBS ARE ON TOP OF THE MICROWAVE.
( bell dings )
TONY
I HAVE BEEN CALLING THIS ELEVATOR FOR THE LAST HALF HOUR.
I THOUGHT YOU FIXED IT.
I DID, SIR, BUT IT'S BROKEN AGAIN.
DON'T TAKE ALL NIGHT.
YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK AT THAT BOILER.
IT'S DRIVING EVERYBODY CRAZY.
THERE'S AIR IN THE PIPES.
THE WHOLE SYSTEM'S GOT TO BE DRAINED AND BLED.
Tony: YES, SIR.
I JUST HAVE TO FIX THE LEAK IN NUMBER NINE
AND THEN I'M ON IT.
TONY, I AM ONLY GOING TO TELL YOU THIS ONCE.
THERE ARE AN AWFUL LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE
WHO WOULD LOVE YOUR JOB--
AN AWFUL LOT OF PEOPLE.
YES, SIR.
DRAIN THE SYSTEM...
I'D LIKE TO DRAIN HIS SYSTEM.
BYE, DADDY.
Tony: OH, OH, OH, LISTEN.
DON'T GO THROUGH THE PARK. PROMISE?
YUP.
YOU GOT A COAT?
YOU'RE GOING TO GET COLD.
OH, WHAT DID YOU FIX ME FOR DINNER?!
Woman: WAIT!
COME TO ME.
( snorting )
WELL, THIS IS MARVELOUS, ISN'T IT?
NOT EXACTLY THE RED CARPET TREATMENT.
I'M SURE THEY WON'T HAVE FORGOTTEN
ABOUT OUR VISIT, YOUR MAJESTY.
CHECK IT OUT!
OH, YOU WERE RIGHT.
"MAXIMUM SECURITY."
WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE!
DAD, NO ONE'S EVER ALLOWED IN THERE.
THIS IS WHERE THEY KEEP THE QUEEN.
THIS IS REALLY BAD.
NO, DAD, DAD, PLEASE.
THIS COULD BE A TRAP.
DAD, DON'T.
NO, DAD!
Woman: OPEN THE DOOR.
OPEN THE DOOR
TO EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE.
GILES?
HELLO?
GILES!
HELLO, PRINCEY!
( laughing )
DID THAT HURT?
I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET MY SISTER.
NOW, HE'S MINE.
I GET THE FIRST SHOT.
YOU WERE FIRST LAST TIME.
I ALWAYS GET THE FIRST...
Woman: ENOUGH!
YOU'RE A LONG WAY FROM YOUR CASTLE, WENDELL.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED THERE.
MY SILLY LITTLE STEPSON.
YOU... YOU... YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS.
ON THE CONTRARY.
I THINK THAT YOU WILL BEG AT MY FEET FOR FOOD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL KIND OF DOG.
THIS IS A MAGICAL DOG.
I HOPE YOU LIKE DOGS, WENDELL.
YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AS ONE.
( laughing )
( barking )
COME, COME, PRINCE WENDELL
YOU DON'T GREET PEOPLE ON ALL FOURS
DO YOU?
( troll laughing )
Troll: GET HIM!
BRING HIM BACK TO ME
ALIVE!
WE'LL GET HIM.
HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
HE CAN'T ESCAPE.
WE'RE IN A PRISON.
Queen: WELL, YOUR HIGHNESS...
JUST WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?
WH-WH-WH-WH...
WHERE'S MY TAIL GONE?
Virginia: I GUESS YOU GET TO A CERTAIN AGE
AND YOU REALIZE THAT NOTHING EXCITING
IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU.
MAYBE THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVE QUIET LIVES.
( prisoners shouting )
Man: GIVE US SOME FOOD, SAY.
I HAVEN'T HAD ANY FOOD SINCE YESTERDAY.
LET US OUT.
COME ON-- JUST GIVE US THE KEY.
LET US OUT.
YOU.
HELLO.
WHAT ARE YOU?
ME?
A VERY, VERY FINE CHAP...
DO NOT MAKE ME ASK AGAIN.
I'M A...
SHH...
HALF-WOLF.
IF I GIVE YOU YOUR FREEDOM
YOU MUST AGREE TO SERVE ME WITHOUT QUESTION.
OH, BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER.
I AM YOUR WOLF.
"LOYALTY" IS MY MIDDLE NAME.
I'VE TURNED PRINCE WENDELL INTO A DOG.
GOOD IDEA.
FIND HIM BEFORE THE TROLLS.
OH... TROLLS!
WAIT!
GIVE YOUR WILL TO ME.
BE MINE
TO SUMMON AND CONTROL.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
YEAH.
( grunting )
( barks )
Wolf: HUFF... PUFF.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
OH...! OH!
WOW!
Troll 1: SUCK AN ELF!
WHERE ARE WE?
WOW.
WOW, GET A LOOK AT THAT.
THIS ISN'T PART OF THE NINE KINGDOMS.
THIS IS A MAGICAL PLACE.
LOOK AT ALL THOSE LIGHTS!
Troll 2: THEY MUST GO THROUGH A TON OF CANDLES!
Troll 3: MAYBE WE SHOULD CLAIM THIS KINGDOM!
THAT'S A SENSATIONAL IDEA.
LET'S GRAB IT BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES.
I HEREBY
CLAIM THIS LAND
AND ALL ITS INHABITANTS
IN THE NAME OF THE TROLL NATION.
HENCEFORTH, IT SHALL BE KNOWN AS...
WHAT SHALL WE CALL IT?
( gasping )
THE TENTH KINGDOM!
AH.
All: THE TENTH KINGDOM!
IN A MONTH, I WILL HAVE CRUSHED THE HOUSE OF WHITE.
I WILL HAVE WENDELL'S CASTLE AND HIS KINGDOM
AND FOR HELPING ME TO ESCAPE
YOU MAY HAVE HALF HIS KINGDOM TO RULE.
HALF THE FOURTH KINGDOM-- BUT IT'S HUGE.
WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
SIMPLY ALLOW ME THE USE OF YOUR CHILDREN
UNTIL THEY'VE CAPTURED THE PRINCE FOR ME.
THAT'S ALL?
TELL NO ONE WHAT YOU'VE SEEN, OF COURSE.
DO I GET TO CHOOSE...
WHICH HALF OF THE KINGDOM I WANT?
( moaning softly )
( moaning )
OH, MY GOD, I'VE KILLED IT.
ARE YOU OKAY?
OH, I'M SORRY.
( whimpers )
WHERE'S YOUR MASTER?
HOW COME YOU DON'T HAVE A COLLAR?
( trolls grumbling in distance )
COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
( grunts )
Troll 2: AH...
( gasping )
HELLO.
( grunting )
( laughing )
( footsteps approaching )
OH, MY WALLET.
( sighs )
Troll 2: LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S NOT EVEN LEATHER.
ARE THERE ANY OTHER SHOES IN HERE?
WHAT'S THIS?
( groaning )
( grunts )
¶ ...Night fever, night fever
¶ We know how to do it...
MORE MAGIC.
( faintly ): ¶ Night fever, night fever...
( distant howling )
( distant siren wailing )
( howling continuing )
NO.
VIRGINIA, JUST LEAVE.
GO.
( barks )
( grunting )
THERE.
THERE'S BEEN AN INCIDENT.
AHA!
LOOKEE LOOK.
DOG HAIRS.
AH, CALFSKIN--
NICEY NICE...
SQUEAKY CLEAN.
( growling savagely )
"IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO VIRGINIA LEWIS
APARTMENT 2006, NUMBER TWO EAST EIGHTY-ONEST STREET."
"EIGHTY-ONEST STREET"? "EIGHTY-ONEST STREET"?
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS, "EIGHTY-ONEST."
HOW ABOUT THIS WAY?
COME ON, LET'S GO!
COME ON, LET'S GO.
( panting )
( sniffing deeply )
( exhales ecstatically )
( gasps )
MEAT!
( growling softly )
( music playing softly )
( people chatting )
HI.
Woman: OH, AND WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, HUH?
I'VE BEEN COVERING FOR YOU.
THANK YOU.
YOUR HEAD...
YOU'RE BLEEDING.
I SMASHED MY BIKE AND I LOST MY WALLET
AND I'VE PICKED UP A NEW BOYFRIEND.
OH...
( laughing )
WELL, HELLO.
I HIT HIM WITH MY BIKE
BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S HURT.
HE'S NOT BLEEDING OR ANYTHING.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
I DON'T KNOW. HE DOESN'T HAVE A COLLAR.
UH-HUH... COME ON, LET'S SEE, HUH?
YOU LOOK LIKE A PRINCE TO ME, HUH? YES.
HELLO, PRINCE.
HELLO. HELLO.
( music playing softly )
( footsteps approaching )
OH...
( snarling )
( growling softly )
TASTY.
REMEMBER WHAT YOU CAME HERE FOR.
FIND THE PRINCE.
BUT HUFF PUFF...
A WOLF'S GOT TO EAT, HASN'T HE?
CAN'T WORK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
HELLO.
( sniffing )
( gasping ): I SMELL DOG!
WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?
WORK AND PLEASURE COMBINED.
ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN STAY IN HERE
AND I'LL CHECK ON YOU WHEN I CAN.
DON'T MAKE A NOISE OR YOU'LL GET ME THE SACK.
( barks )
SHH!
( whispering ): QUIET OR I'LL PUT YOU OUTSIDE.
Woman: SO, THE SPECIALS ARE
Wolf: LAMB?! LAMB...
NEW SEASON'S LAMB, I HOPE-- YOUNG AND JUICY
AND FROLICKING PROVOCATIVELY
IN THE FIELDS, BOUNCING UP AND DOWN
WITH SOFT, FLUFFY WOOL.
( gasps )
STOP IT.
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
SOME SHEPHERDESS
NOT REALLY PAYING ATTENTION TO THE FLOCK
PROBABLY ASLEEP, IF I KNOW LITTLE GIRLS...
WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO EAT HER.
( chuckles )
NOT IF THERE'S A LAMB FILET
OR A NICE FAT RACK OF CHOPS!
I'M NOT GREEDY!
WELL, I AM GREEDY.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST SAID THAT.
I HAVE A SUBSTANTIAL APPETITE.
BORN TO GORGE...
THAT'S ME.
( horn honking )
( yells )
SUCK AN ELF!
( horns honking )
( grunting )
Troll 1: ALL RIGHT.
( brakes squealing )
( glass breaking )
( radiator hissing )
( yelling )
( hissing louder )
OUR CARRIAGE IS HERE.
( laughing )
( music playing softly )
OKAY.
Wolf: NO, NO!
SORRY, WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
RARE IMPLIES
DANGEROUSLY COOKED!
WHEN I SAY, "RARE"
I MEAN, JUST
LET IT LOOK AT THE OVEN IN TERROR
THEN, BRING IT OUT TO ME!
NO FRIES, NO VEGETABLES--
JUST MEAT!
RED...
AS A YOUNG GIRL'S FIRST BLUSH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I MISSED THAT. I'LL HAVE A JUG OF MARGARITA, A DIET COLA AND TWO BEERS, OKAY?
( Prince Wendell barking )
AND MY WIFE WILL HAVE...
I'M SORRY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SHE'LL HAVE A DOUBLE, BIG...
( dishes clattering )
Man: ...COLD PLATES!
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT
I'M TAKING YOU OUTSIDE.
( sighs )
( chuckles )
OKAY, CANDY, VERY FUNNY.
YOU CAN COME OUT.
I SUPPOSE
YOU WROTE THAT, EH?
( barks )
BARK ONCE.
( barks )
( chuckling ): OKAY...
BARK TWICE.
( barks twice )
( shrieks )
OKAY, SO, YOU GOT THE LAMB SPECIAL
AND SIX GLASSES OF WARM MILK?
YEAH.
OKAY. OH, OH, OH, OH!
UH-HUH? I ALMOST FORGOT.
UH... I'M LOOKING FOR THIS LOVELY LADY
WHO, UH, FOUND MY DOGGIE.
OH, SO, IT'S YOURS.
OH...
I'LL TELL VIRGINIA.
SHE'S OUT BACK.
CAN YOU...
UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING I'M SAYING?
( barks )
S-STOP IT!
WELL, WHO'S IN DANGER?
BOTH OF US?
( barks )
WHOA.
JUST WAIT A MINUTE.
OH, YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE.
UH...
UM...
SHE MUST'VE GONE HOME, YOU KNOW?
MAYBE SHE HURT HERSELF WHEN SHE FELL.
OH... POOR LITTLE SAUSAGE.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE SHE LIVES?
THAT WAY, I CAN THANK HER.
UH... WELL, I...
I CAN'T TELL YOU WHERE SHE LIVES.
YOU KNOW, UM, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
OH...
YOU CAN TELL ME.
( snarls )
( distant siren wailing )
THIS IS MY STOP.
YOU GOT TO GO NOW.
( sighs )
OKAY, YOU CAN JUST STAY ONE NIGHT
AND, THEN, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
( barks )
I'VE GONE CRAZY.
HOW CAN I BE TALKING TO A DOG?
( barking )
YES, I HAVE.
DON'T TRY AND REASSURE ME.
( snoring softly )
THAT'S MRS. GRAVES FROM NEXT DOOR...
AND HER HUSBAND...
AND THEIR SON ERIC.
( barking )
( sighing incredulously )
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO THEM?
( elevator bell dings )
( elevator doors creaking )
WAIT HERE.
( barks ) SHH!
WAIT.
I'M GOING TO GO SEE IF DAD'S ALL RIGHT.
( elevator bell dings )
( door creaking continuing )
( whispering ): DAD.
WAKE UP.
( door closes )
Troll 1: WHAT DO YOU THINK?
LOOK.
HERE THEY ARE.
( sighing admiringly )
SOFT COW.
NICEY NICE.
( troll growling )
Troll 2: WALK THE CAT WALK.
( chuckling )
HELLO THERE, GIRLIE.
THESE SHOES...
THEY'VE BEEN
VERY BADLY CARED FOR.
THEY'RE-THEY'RE SCUFFED, AN-AND CRACKED
AND NEGLECTED.
( crashing )
YOU HAVE NICE SHOES
AND SO TINY.
WE HAVE HUNDREDS OF PAIRS
AT HOME.
SO, WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
Virginia: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE DONE
TO MY DAD?
AW, HE'S JUST SLEEPING.
HIT HIM WITH A BIT OF TROLL DUST, THAT'S ALL.
"TROLL DUST"?
I AM BURLY THE TROLL
FEARED THROUGHOUT THE NINE KINGDOMS.
Troll 3: I AM
BLABBERWORT THE TROLL, DREADED THROUGHOUT
THE NINE KINGDOMS.
Troll 2: AND I AM
BLUEBELL THE TROLL
TERRIFIED THROUGHOUT THE NINE KINGDOMS.
( yelling )
( gasps )
( crackling )
Burly: SO...
WHERE IS HE?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
Blabberwort: PRINCE WENDELL.
WHO?
THE DOG.
( yelling and gasping )
WE ARE GOING TO COUNT TO THREE
AND, THEN, WE ARE GOING TO MAKE YOU
INTO A PAIR OF SHOES.
ONE... I'LL CUT THE SHOES.
TWO... I WILL SHAPE THE SHOES.
THREE... I WILL STICK...
ALL RIGHT!
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE HE IS.
HE'S...
HERE.
HE-HE'S JUST, UH... OUTSIDE.
Burly: SHOW US!
TAKE US TO HIM.
( groaning )
GO THROUGH THE DOOR!
BE CAREFUL!
SHUT UP, BLUEBELL!
( elevator bell dings )
WHERE IS HE?
( bell dinging continuing )
HE'S HIDING...
UH... BEHIND THOSE DOORS.
( grunting )
( yelling )
( gasping )
Burly: THAT ROOM WAS NOT THERE
A MOMENT AGO.
YOU ARE CRAFTY.
THERE'S NO ONE
IN HERE! OH, YES, HE'S HERE.
I'M... I-I'M JUST GOING TO OPERATE THE SECRET DOOR
AND SHOW YOU WHERE HE'S HIDING.
NO!
( yelling )
IT'S A TRICK!
( screaming )
SUCK AN ELF!
( yelling )
OPEN UP!
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
DAD'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
I THINK IT'S YOU THEY'RE AFTER.
( knocking )
( snoring )
( knocking continues )
OH, WHATEVER IT IS, GO AWAY.
GOOD EVENING!
TROLLS HAVE BEEN
TO VISIT YOU FIRST, I SEE.
NO MATTER!
TONIGHT AND TONIGHT ONLY
I AM AUTHORIZED TO MAKE YOU A UNIQUE OFFER.
NAMELY, THE END
TO ALL YOUR PERSONAL AND FINANCIAL PROBLEMS.
HEY, HOLD IT A SECOND.
TAKE ANOTHER STEP, I'M CALLING THE COPS.
IT'S PRIVATE PROPERTY.
UNDER THE TERMS OF THIS POLICY
I AM, IN EXCHANGE FOR INFORMATION
AS TO THE WHEREABOUTS OF YOUR DAUGHTER
ABLE TO OFFER YOU THIS MAGIC BEAN
WHICH, ONCE EATEN, WILL GIVE YOU SIX
GLORIOUS WISHES.
( whooshing )
IS THIS HER?
THIS CAN'T BE HER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OH, SHE'S SUCCULENT!
WHAT A DREAMY, CREAMY GIRL!
( whimpering )
( howling )
( fiercely ): TASTY, OR WHAT?
( all grunting rhythmically )
( all yelling )
( fierce yelling )
( exhausted sigh )
I'VE BEEN THINKING BACK OVER THE YEARS
AND I FEEL THIS IS QUITE THE WORST SPELL WE HAVE EVER BEEN PUT UNDER!
WE'VE HAD SOME STINKERS BUT NOTHING LIKE THIS.
SHE'S A POWERFUL LITTLE WITCH, THAT ONE.
I THINK... WE MIGHT BE IN HER POCKET.
HMM?
WHAT?
I THINK
SHE MIGHT HAVE SHRUNK US AND PUT US IN A MATCHBOX
IN HER POCKET.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
YOU'RE FALLING TO PIECES.
GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF.
HOW CAN WE BE IN A MATCHBOX, YOU IDIOT?
WHERE ARE ALL THE MATCHES?
( soft boinging )
WHAT THE HELL'S IT DOING?
SIX... BIG WISHES.
IMAGINE HAVING ANYTHING
YOU DESIRE.
AND FROM THE LOOK OF YOUR MODEST SURROUNDINGS
I'M SURE THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT YOU'D LOVE TO CHANGE.
I... OH...
WELL, YOU KNOW, I WOULD...
UH... JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY APARTMENT
ALL RIGHT? ( growls )
WELL...
THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT? NO! NO...
IT'S A STANDARD MULTIPLE-WISHES DEAL--
SIX WISHES; NO GOING BACK ON WISHES ONCE MADE;
NO MAKING FIVE WISHES AND WISHING FOR ANOTHER THOUSAND.
NOW, COME ON, IS THAT A FAIR DEAL
OR WHAT?
NOW...
WHERE... IS YOUR... LOVELY DAUGHTER?
WHAT DO YOU WANT HER FOR?
SIMPLY TO RECLAIM MY LITTLE DOGGY
WHICH SHE FOUND EARLIER.
DOG?
THERE'S EVEN A REWARD INVOLVED
WHICH I INTEND TO GIVE HER PERSONALLY.
( sighs )
IF SHE'S NOT AT WORK
SHE'LL BE AT MY MOTHER-IN-LAW'S. OOH.
SHE'S ALWAYS TRYING TO TURN VIRGINIA AGAINST ME.
DOES THIS MOTHER-IN-LAW LIKE, UH, FLOWERS?
SHE LIKES MONEY.
THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT IMPRESSES HER.
ADDRESS, PLEASE.
IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE.
WAIT. HOLD ON A SECOND.
HOW LONG DOES THIS TAKE TO WORK?
OH, DON'T WORRY-- THE FIRST THREE HOURS...
ARE THE WORST.
( sighs )
ANYTHING I WANT, HUH?
( snorts )
OOH...
'KAY.
ALL RIGHT...
FOR MY FIRST WISH...
( stomach grumbling deeply )
FOR MY F...
( grumbling continues )
( groaning in pain )
Virginia: HELLO?
Grandma: WHO IS IT?
IT'S ONLY ME, GRANDMA.
HI.
( laughing ): FOR A MOMENT THERE
I THOUGHT IT WAS YOUR MOTHER.
( laughs )
WELL, I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU.
WOULD YOU MIND IF I STAYED THE NIGHT TONIGHT?
YOU KNOW, SHE'LL COME BACK ONE DAY.
SHE'LL JUST... SWAN IN WITHOUT A WORD.
YOU DON'T THINK SHE COULD BE IN ASPEN, DO YOU?
SHE ALWAYS LOVED THE SNOW.
( laughing ): WELL...
I THINK SHE WOULD HAVE COME BACK BY NOW.
I DON'T KNOW, 14 YEARS IS A LONG TIME FOR APRES-SKI.
DON'T BE CHEAP, DEAR.
( Prince barking )
( little dog barking )
GOD... WHAT'S THAT?
THIS IS A STRAY I PICKED UP TODAY.
WELL, JUST KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ROLAND.
HE'S PROBABLY GOT FLEAS.
AW, YOU DON'T HAVE FLEAS.
DO YOU HAVE FLEAS? NO. SHH.
SHH.
( Roland barking )
THANKS. YOU KNOW
YOU COULD STILL BE SOMETHING IN SOCIETY, VIRGINIA.
I HAVE CONNECTIONS, YOU KNOW.
YOUR MOTHER'S DEBUT AT THE RITZ CARLTON
WAS... AH...
A CORONATION.
AT NINETEEN
SHE COULD HAVE HAD ANY BACHELOR IN THE WHOLE OF NEW YORK...
AND WHAT DOES SHE END UP WITH?
DAD.
DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR LIFE THE WAY SHE DID, VIRGINIA.
I CAN SEE THE WHOLE THING HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN.
YOU'RE A WAITRESS, FOR GOD'S SAKES.
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO MEET?
SOME... ELIGIBLE SHORT-ORDER COOK?
( Virginia laughing )
NO.
( knocking on door )
( knocking louder )
UH... SO, OF COURSE
YOU NEVER FIXED THE PIPES LIKE YOU PROMISED--
THAT I'VE COME TO EXPECT--
BUT THIS!
I CAN, UM... THIS...
I CAN EXPLAIN ALL OF THIS, AND I'M GOING TO...
I'LL GET ON IT RIGHT AWAY, MR. MURRAY. NO.
"I'M GOING TO GET ON IT" IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I WANT YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER OUT OF THIS APARTMENT TODAY!
YOU'RE FIRED!
FIRE... FIRED? NO, PLEASE, MR. MURRAY...
WHAT, YOU BIG JERK?
I WISH YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY
WOULD KISS MY ASS
AND BE MY SLAVES FOREVER.
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
OH, MASTER.
( short laugh )
Burly: HOW LONG DO YOU THINK THIS SPELL WILL LAST?
IT CAN'T LAST LONG.
100 YEARS?
AT MOST.
MAYBE ONLY 50.
WELL, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE
THE MOST OF OUR IMPRISONMENT.
AND AGREE NOT TO EAT
EACH OTHER.
ABSOLUTELY. ABSOLUTELY.
WE'LL DO THE HUNDRED YEARS
AND MAYBE IF WE'RE LUCKY
WE'LL ONLY HAVE TO DO TWO-THIRDS OF THE SPELL
AND GET OUT EARLY.
( doorbell rings )
( gasps )
OH.
I... THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE.
I DO APOLOGIZE.
I WAS LOOKING FOR VIRGINIA'S GRANDMOTHER.
I AM SHE.
THAT CANNOT BE.
HER YOUNG SISTER, PERHAPS.
HER MOTHER
PERHAPS.
BUT HER GRANDMOTHER?
PAH!
YOU ARE A...
DAZZLING BEAUTY.
OH.
WELL, I, I DON'T HAVE MY MAKEUP ON
OR ANYTHING YET.
MAY I COME IN?
I HAVE FLOWERS.
YEAH, BUT WHO ARE YOU?
I AM VIRGINIA'S SUITOR.
HER BETROTHED.
BETROTHED?
SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A FIANCE.
HOW LIKE HER. HOW MODEST.
MOST GIRLS WOULD BRAG AND BOAST
ABOUT DATING THE HEIR TO AN ENORMOUS FORTUNE
BUT NOT VIRGINIA.
OH, WELL, DO COME IN.
I'LL, I'LL JUST GO AND GET DRESSED.
OF COURSE.
GET DRESSED.
( humming )
OKAY, WISH MASTER, GIVE ME A NEVER-ENDING SUPPLY OF BEER.
TWO?
YOU CALL THAT A WILD NIGHT WHERE YOU COME FROM?
OH!
HEY, OH, MURRAY! MURRAY!
MURRAY! YOU GOT TO SEE THIS.
THE REFRIGERATOR, IT JUST KEEPS GO...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M WORRIED THAT THEY'RE NOT CLEAN ENOUGH, MASTER.
SHALL I LICK YOUR SHOES AGAIN?
LET ME SEE YOUR TONGUE.
ALL RIGHT, FIVE MORE MINUTES.
HOW IS YOUR MOTHER COMING WITH THAT DOOR?
OH, UH... AL-ALMOST DONE NOW, MASTER.
JUST HURRY...
STOP. NO, NO.
ONCE WAS ENOUGH.
HERE. OPEN THIS.
WHAT SHALL I WISH FOR
NEXT?
I WISH...
I WISH I HAD SOMETHING THAT WOULD CLEAN THIS APARTMENT
ALL BY ITSELF, AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER.
( whirring )
OH, HERE WE GO.
( gasping )
( laughing )
HERE WE GO. CLEAN, CLEAN
CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN.
CLEAN.
AW, I GOT TO GET THIS CLEAN.
OH, OH, LOOK HERE.
OH, THERE'S DUST ALL OVER THE FLOOR.
PICK IT UP. PICK IT UP. PICK IT UP.
OH, HERE'S SOME OVER HERE.
HERE'S SOME MORE. OH...!
( muffled shrieking )
I AM SO BAD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.
OH, STILL...
I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD LOOK BETTER
SURROUNDED BY POTATOES.
WHERE'S THE GARLIC?
THE ROSEMARY?
OH! WHAT DO I HAVE TO WORK WITH HERE?!
THREE-YEAR-OLD DRIED HERBS?
( groaning )
AH! YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO FIT IN THE OVEN, ARE YOU?
NOT IN ONE PIECE, ANYWAY.
¶ SHEPHERDESS
¶ MAKES GREATNESS
¶ THE LITTLE LAMBS ARE LONELY
¶ SHEPHERDESS...
( gasping )
OH, WHAT AM I DOING?
I SHOULD UNTIE YOU.
HMM.
OH, A POOR OLD LADY
FRIGHTENED OUT OF HER WITS.
I SHOULD UNTIE YOU...
BUT FIRST I'LL PUT A DOLLOP OF FAT
IN THE OVEN TRAY.
Virginia: GRANDMOTHER?
OH! OH... GUESTS ARE UP.
BREAKFAST ISN'T READY.
GRANDMOTHER?
Falsetto voice: IN HERE, DARLING.
( knocking )
GRANDMOTHER?
Falsetto voice: IN HERE, DARLING.
GOOD MORNING.
DO YOU WANT SOME COFFEE OR TOAST
OR SOMETHING?
HMM?
( whimpering )
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU GOT A COLD?
( whimpering )
GRANDMA?
SURPRISE!
OH, BOY!
YOU'RE FANTASTIC.
YOUR PICTURE DOESN'T
DO YOU JUSTICE.
WOW!
OH, NO.
HOW DID THIS GET HERE?
NO. NO...
OH, NO.
BY THE WAY, WHERE IS THE DOG?
SLEEPING IN IF I KNOW ROYALTY.
OH, YOU SMELL GREAT.
I'VE HAD LITTLE TEASERS OF YOUR SCENT BEFORE, VIRGINIA
BUT IN THE FLESH.... AH!
PERFUMES ARE NOT FOR ME, NO.
I RESPOND FAVORABLY
TO THE AUDACITY OF A WOMAN
WHO FLAUNTS HER OWN AROMA, AND YOU, VIRGINIA--
YOU SMELL LIKE SUNDAY LUNCH.
YOU KEEP AWAY FROM ME.
OH, BEAUTIFUL EYES, BEAUTIFUL TEETH.
ALL THE RIGHT STUFF IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.
NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, I AM IN LOVE.
MMM...
LET ME PUT YOUR MIND AT REST.
NOW THAT I'VE SEEN YOU
EATING YOU IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.
NOT EVEN ON THE MENU.
OH, NOW, I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO COME OUT OF THE BLUE
BUT HOW ABOUT A DATE?
WE'VE STARTED BADLY
BUT I TAKE ALL THE BLAME FOR THAT.
COME ON, GIVE US A CHANCE. PLEASE.
OOH!
OH, YOU ARE ONE DYNAMIC LADY.
THERE'S NO QUESTION THAT...
( howling )
( sighing )
( faint shrieking )
( shrieking )
OH, MY GOD.
GRANDMOTHER!
OUT OF MY WAY. OUT OF MY WAY.
WORK, WORK, WORK.
Tony: NO, NO, NO, NO.
OKAY, OKAY, FINE.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S ENOUGH. GO.
THANK YOU. GO DO SOMETHING ELSE.
MM-MM-MM-MM...
NO. HEY, GET UP. GET UP. GET UP.
LISTEN, YOU'VE ALREADY KISSED ME THREE TIMES TODAY.
LET ME KISS YOU AGAIN, MASTER.
NO! GO CLEAN SOMETHING.
YOU'RE RIDICULOUS.
MASTER, OH, WONDERFUL MASTER
MY WIFE HAS A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
OH, REALLY?
WELL, I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.
YOU GO GET ME A BEER.
YES, MASTER.
IT'S MY HUSBAND'S ROLEX OYSTER.
SOLID GOLD.
ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT ONE
OF THOSE CHEAP IMITATIONS?
OH, NO, MASTER.
WHOA! OH!
( gasping )
I BOUGHT IT FOR MY HUSBAND'S 40th BIRTHDAY
BUT YOU MUST HAVE IT.
ALL OUR POSSESSIONS ARE YOURS NOW.
MURRAY, I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR WIFE OUT
AND BUY HER SOME UNDERWEAR.
OF COURSE, MASTER!
HELP YOURSELF!
Woman: MASTER?
I, UM, I THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOMEONE TRAPPED IN THE ELEVATOR.
I CAN HEAR VOICES AND BANGING.
YES, WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED
BUT I'M NO LONGER MR. FIX-IT
SO WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR RICH BEHIND OUT THERE
AND FIX IT YOURSELF?
AT ONCE, MASTER!
I THINK WE NEED SOME SPENDING MONEY.
UM, WISH MASTER, HOW ABOUT A MILLION DOLLARS?
( doorbell rings )
( gasping excitedly )
( chuckles )
( laughing )
OH, YES, I'M RICH!
I'M RICH! I'M RICH!
SAY HELLO TO BENNY!
CAN I HELP YOU?
OH, I HOPE SO.
I'M VERY CONFUSED.
YOU MUST BE PAUL'S REFERRAL.
HE SAID YOU'D DROP BY TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT I'M DOING HERE?
LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER A BIT
BEFORE WE TACKLE THE BIG QUESTIONS, OKAY?
YEAH. BIG QUESTIONS.
NOW I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A WORD
AND I WANT YOU TO SAY THE FIRST WORD
THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND, OKAY?
GAME, YEAH.
HERE WE GO. "HOME."
COOKING.
"COWARD."
CHICKEN!
"WEDDING."
CAKE.
"DEAD."
MEAT!
"SEXUAL."
APPETITE.
"LOVE."
( gasps )
TO EAT ANYTHING FLUFFY!
( grunts )
SORRY. SORRY.
MORE THAN ONE WORD.
START AGAIN.
Tony: YOU KNOW, MURRAY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
LISTEN, I WANT EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE
EXCEPT YOUR WIFE.
I HAD NO IDEA YOU HAD SO MANY RELATIVES.
OF COURSE, MASTER.
( vacuum cleaner munching )
YOU CAN GO.
BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT, MURRAY.
JUST GOT TO PUCK UP TO THE MASTER.
UH, UH, DON'T PUCKER.
HEY, HEY, CUT THAT OUT.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
STOP!
CLEAN IT UP. CLEAN IT UP. CLEAN IT UP.
CLEAN IT UP! CLEAN IT UP! CLEAN IT UP!
OH, JEEZ!
I SAID...
STOP!
STOP! STOP!
( sirens wailing )
( officers yelling )
Officer: UPSTAIRS! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
I CAN'T STOP IT, MASTER!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU, MASTER!
I'M TRYING!
IT'S NOT GOING TO STOP, MASTER!
MASTER, WAIT!
COME ON!
PLEASE, LET'S GO!
( all yelling )
WHOA! WHOA!
MOVE! MOVE!
WAIT A MINUTE! WHOA!
WHAT'S THE MATTER?!
SPREAD 'EM!
ALL RIGHT! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
BINGO. LOOKIT HERE.
THE MONEY FROM THE ROBBERY.
NO! HOLD ON A SECOND. NO, NO.
THAT JUST APPEARED IN FRONT OF MY DOOR.
I'VE BEEN IN MY APARTMENT ALL DAY.
ALL THESE PEOPLE CAN VOUCH FOR ME, RIGHT?
All: YES, O MASTER.
I'VE BEEN HERE ALL DAY JUST
HAVING A BEER WITH FRIENDS.
YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU'RE STILL HOLDING BACK.
WHAT IS REALLY TROUBLING YOU?
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
DOC, I MET THIS TERRIFIC GIRL
AND I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LIKE HER
BUT THE THING IS THAT...
GO ON, SAY IT.
SAY IT!
I'M NOT SURE WHETHER I-I WANT TO LOVE HER
OR EAT HER.
( growls )
OH, OH.
OF COURSE, I BLAME MY PARENTS.
THEY WERE BOTH ENORMOUS.
THEY COULDN'T STOP EATING.
EVERY DAY I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL
IT WAS, "EAT THIS. EAT THAT. EAT HER!"
YOU SHOULDN'T PUNISH YOURSELF.
OH, I SHOULD. I SHOULD.
I'M BAD. I'M SO BAD.
I'VE DONE SO MANY BAD THINGS!
BUT THAT WASN'T ME, YOU SEE?
THAT WAS WHEN I WAS A WOLF.
DOC, I WANT TO CHANGE!
I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON.
OH, CAN'T THE LION CUDDLE UP WITH THE LAMB?
CAN'T THE LEOPARD RUB OUT ALL ITS SPOTS?
THIS IS THE EXACT SPOT WHERE I FOUND YOU
SO THIS IS REALLY WHERE WE HAVE TO GO
OUR SEPARATE WAYS, OKAY?
( sighs )
LOOK, I'M NOT THE ADVENTURE TYPE, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, I'M A WAITRESS.
THIS JUST REALLY...
THIS ISN'T MY THING.
WHOEVER THESE PEOPLE ARE WHO WANT YOU
THEY CAN HAVE YOU.
NO, I GOT TO GO.
GOOD-BYE. I GOT TO GO.
( whines )
HERE IS THE READING LIST I STRONGLY RECOMMEND NOW.
OKAY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK AND SEE ME NEXT WEEK?
OH, BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I WON'T BE HERE NEXT WEEK.
UH, UH, UH, UH.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO INTIMIDATE ME WITH SUICIDE.
THAT'S BETTER.
OKAY.
Policeman: IF YOU COOPERATE
AND GIVE US THE DEALER'S NAME
MAYBE I'LL PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR YOU.
"DEALER"? WHAT DEALER? I'M NOT TAKING DRUGS.
YEAH, RIGHT. YOU DON'T REMEMBER STEALING THE MONEY
BECAUSE YOU WERE UNDER THE INFLUENCE
OF THESE MAGIC MUSHROOMS, RIGHT?
"MAGIC MUSHROOMS"?
NO, I DIDN'T TAKE...
WELL, I SWALLOWED THE BEAN, BUT...
I ALMOST FIXED THE ELEVATOR NOW, MASTER.
WE WILL BREAK THE SPELL. TRUST ME.
I TRUST YOU.
I TRUST YOU MORE.
NO, I TRUST YOU MORE.
YEAH!
I TRUST HER MORE.
I TRUST HER!
I ALWAYS TRUSTED HER!
SUCK AN ELF!
( all yelling )
Burly: WE'RE MOVING.
WE'RE GOING DOWN.
IS THAT GOOD OR BAD?
WE ARE ABOUT TO ENTER THE UNDERWORLD.
PREPARE YOURSELVES.
( bell dings )
( all yelling )
THIS ISN'T THE UNDERWORLD, YOU IDIOT!
THIS IS WHERE WE CAME IN.
MAGIC, INDEED!
HOW DID SHE DO THAT?!
AH, SUCK AN ELF!
( Wolf gasps )
SHEEP! SOMETIMES I LIKE SHEEP.
OOH!
EXCUSE ME. I NEED EVERYTHING ON THIS LIST
AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU MIGHT THINK IS USEFUL, PLEASE, MISS?
( gasps )
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
AND IF MY PLAN IS SUCCESSFUL
I WILL CERTAINLY INVITE YOU TO THE WEDDING.
THAT'S MINE. THAT'S MINE, TOO.
Tony: HEY, HEY, COULDN'T WE COME TO SOME KIND OF DEAL?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANTED.
ANYTHING WHATEVER. I'M SERIOUS.
A HOUSE IN THE HAMPTONS, BOATS, CARS, WOMEN.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
IT WON'T MAKE IT ANY BETTER TRYING TO BRIBE US.
WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE?
I WISH I COULD ESCAPE FROM THIS POLICE CAR RIGHT NOW.
( chuckling )
WES, THE BRAKES ARE FAILING.
( horn beeping )
NO!
"HOW TO MARRY THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS."
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.
OH, MY GOD!
Officer: STUPID IDIOT!
STOP THAT MAN RIGHT NOW!
HE'S GETTING AWAY!
HEY, PAL!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU!
NO, WAIT! YOU HAVEN'T PAID FOR THOSE!
LOOK, I CANNOT TAKE YOU BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU CAME FROM.
NO, LOOK, THIS REALLY IS IT, OKAY?
GOOD LUCK.
I DIDN'T DO IT!
DAD?
DAD!
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ME.
DON'T BET ON IT.
COME ON!
FAN OUT, YOU GUYS, FAN OUT!
IS THAT THE DOG THAT GUY WANTS?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE IT TO HIM?
DAD, I DON'T THINK HE IS A DOG.
HE'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING
TALK TO ME OR SOMETHING
BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S SAYING.
TRYING TO TALK?
YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
ALL RIGHT, YOU WATCH THIS.
I WISH THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING THIS DOG IS SAYING.
WHAT?
YOU'RE IN TERRIBLE DANGER.
BOTH OF YOU.
IT WORKED. IT WORKED!
IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE
YOU HAVE TO DO EXACTLY AS I SAY.
LISTEN! SHH. WHAT?
WE HAVE TO FIND THE WAY BACK.
HE'S TALKING. CAN'T YOU HEAR HIM?
NO.
( police voices coming closer )
COME HERE. WHAT?!
( all yelling )
WHY ARE ALL THESE COPS AFTER YOU?
AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING HANDCUFFS?
THEY THINK I DID A BANK JOB.
WHAT?
I'LL EXPLAIN LATER.
STOP RABBITING AND HELP ME FIND THE MIRROR.
NOW, IT'S A MIRROR
BUT IT MAY NOT LOOK LIKE A MIRROR FROM THE OTHER SIDE.
YOU HAVE TO LOOK VERY, VERY CAREFULLY.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR A MAGIC MIRROR.
YEAH, OF COURSE WE ARE.
( Prince Wendell barking )
JUST LOOK FOR A PIECE OF FOREST
THAT DOESN'T FIT.
I'M SURE THIS IS WHERE...
LOOK.
THERE IT IS.
Tony: THAT'S WEIRD.
Blabberwort: THERE THEY ARE!
IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIVES, FOLLOW ME.
UH, UH... COME ON.
( gasps )
WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?
I DON'T KNOW
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S NOT CENTRAL PARK.
FOLLOW ME.
THE DOG SAID FOLLOW HIM.
HURRY UP!
WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERYBODY?
WELL, THE SAME THING
THAT HAPPENED TO YOU, OLD CHAP--
TROLL DUST!
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S STARTING TO WEAR OFF.
IS THAT DOG TALKING AGAIN?
COME ON. COME ON.
SO, WHAT SHALL WE DO
WHEN WE HAVE OUR OWN KINGDOM?
AH, I KNOW, I KNOW.
WE'LL HAVE SERVANTS--
THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF SERVANTS
TO POLISH OUR SHOES.
DAD, LET'S GO HOME.
NO, I CAN'T GO BACK YET.
POLICE ARE ALL OVER CENTRAL PARK LOOKING FOR ME.
WELL, WE CAN'T STAY HERE.
SHH! I CAN SMELL THE TROLLS.
HE SAYS HE CAN SMELL TROLLS.
WE'LL HAVE FOOTWEAR PARTIES
WHERE YOU HAVE TO CHANGE SHOES
SIX TIMES AN HOUR!
AND ANYONE FOUND HAVING DIRTY SHOES
WILL HAVE THEIR FACE SEWN UP!
( laughing )
COME ALONG, THEN. FOLLOW ME.
WHOA. HOLD ON.
I'M NOT GOING TO FOLLOW YOU.
WHERE ARE WE?
WE'RE IN THE SOUTHERNMOST PART OF MY KINGDOM--
WHERE I WAS ATTACKED BY MY STEPMOTHER
AND TURNED INTO A DOG.
THIS IS THE SNOW WHITE MEMORIAL PRISON, HOUSING
THE MOST DANGEROUS CRIMINALS IN ALL THE NINE KINGDOMS.
ALL RIGHT, BACK UP. THE NINE WHAT?
KINGDOMS.
I AM PRINCE WENDELL
GRANDSON OF THE LATE SNOW WHITE
AND SOON-TO-BE-CROWNED KING
OF THE FOURTH KINGDOM.
AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE?
I'M TONY LEWIS, JANITOR.
I THINK YOU ALREADY KNOW
MY DAUGHTER VIRGINIA.
THE "TROLL KINGDOM."
"RED RIDING HOOD FOREST." WOW!
WAIT. HOLD ON A SECOND.
SO WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S CINDERELLA-SLEEPING BEAUTY FAIRY TALE STUFF?
WELL...
THE GOLDEN AGE WAS ALMOST 200 YEARS AGO
WHEN THE LADIES YOU REFER TO
HAD THEIR GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY.
THINGS HAVE GONE DOWNHILL A BIT SINCE THEN.
"HAPPY EVER AFTER" DIDN'T LAST AS LONG AS WE'D HOPED.
ALL THE RULERS
OF THE OTHER KINGDOMS ARE DUE TO ATTEND MY CORONATION.
SOME WILL HAVE TO TRAVEL GREAT DISTANCES.
THE KINGDOMS ARE VAST.
NO ONE CROSSES THE BORDERS EXCEPT ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
WHO WAS THE STEPMOTHER WHO TURNED YOU INTO A DOG?
SHE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS AND EVIL WOMAN ALIVE.
SOUNDS LIKE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
LOOK, WE CAN'T
SIT AROUND TALKING ALL DAY.
WE MUST FIND MY STEPMOTHER'S CELL.
THIS WAY.
VIRGINIA, HE SAID FOLLOW HIM.
COME ON. COME ON.
LOOK!
THERE'S A DOG BOWL DOWN HERE.
THAT'S THE DOG THAT'S GOT MY BODY!
OH, IT'S OUTRAGEOUS!
WHAT DID SHE DO, THIS WOMAN?
SHE POISONED MY MOTHER AND FATHER.
TRIED TO KILL ME, AS WELL.
BASICALLY, POISONED HIS MOM AND DAD
AND TRIED TO KILL HIM, TOO.
VIRGINIA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I... I FEEL WEIRD BEING IN HERE.
YOU OKAY?
YEAH. I'M JUST GOING
TO WAIT OUTSIDE FOR A MINUTE.
THE TROLLS HAVE BEEN HERE.
OKAY, JUST DON'T GO TOO FAR, OKAY?
STAY OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
VIRGINIA!
PRINCE! PRINCE! PRINCE!
I WASN'T SCARED.
IT'S JUST THAT PEOPLE MUSTN'T SEE ME AS A DOG, ANTONY.
IT'S DEEPLY, DEEPLY EMBARRASSING.
I COULD CARE LESS
ABOUT YOU BEING A DOG!
VIRGINIA! VIRGINIA!
WHERE ARE THEY?
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED TROLLS TO DO ANYTHING.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY.
I'M THE ONLY REASON
YOU GOT OUT OF PRISON IN THE FIRST PLACE.
OF COURSE, YOUR MAJESTY
AND FOR THAT I'M ETERNALLY GRATEFUL
BUT I CAN'T STAY HERE ANY LONGER.
NO ONE MUST SEE THE PRINCE LIKE THIS.
( barking )
HAVE YOUR CHILDREN BRING THE DOG TO ME
WHEN THEY RETURN.
I AM NOT YOUR LACKEY!
I AM RELISH THE TROLL KING!
YOU WILL DO WELL
TO REMEMBER IT.
OF COURSE, YOUR MAJESTY.
AND I WILL REWARD YOU HANDSOMELY
WITH HALF OF WENDELL'S KINGDOM
AS I PROMISED.
JUST EXACTLY WHEN
DO I GET IT?
SOON.
BUT NOW I MUST GO.
I HAVE STAYED TOO LONG ALREADY.
( panting )
OH, GET IN THE CARRIAGE!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
THERE'S NOWHERE YOU CAN HIDE.
WHEN THEY FIND OUT YOU'VE ESCAPED
THERE WILL BE ROADBLOCKS EVERYWHERE.
THEY'LL SEARCH EVERY HOUSE AND CARRIAGE IN THE KINGDOM.
NOT EVERY CARRIAGE.
SHOULDN'T WE GO BACK FOR THE DOG?
NO, WE CAN'T.
THE TROLL DUST
WILL BE WEARING OFF.
( ringing ) WAIT A MINUTE!
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
THEY'RE ALL WAKING UP.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OH, THE QUEEN WILL BE VERY ANGRY.
AW, THE QUEEN CAN SUCK AN ELF FOR ALL I CARE!
WE'VE CAPTURED THE WITCH FROM THE TENTH KINGDOM!
LET'S GO TELL DAD.
WHAT ABOUT THE WITCH'S FATHER?
PERHAPS HE'S A GREAT WARLOCK.
OH, HE'S HANDCUFFED.
A GREAT IDIOT, MORE LIKELY.
I WISH I COULD BE THERE
WHEN THE GOVERNOR FINDS HIM IN THE QUEEN'S CELL.
( laughing )
Tony: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I CAN'T FIGHT.
IT WAS SOME KIND OF SPELL.
ME AND THE LADS BEEN LAID UP FOR OVER A DAY.
I'VE SEARCHED EVERY INCH OF THE PRISON
BUT THE QUEEN'S GONE, SIR.
I HAVE BEEN THE GOVERNOR
OF THIS PRISON FOR 12 YEARS.
NO PRISONER HAS EVER ESCAPED BEFORE.
THAT'S A VERY IMPRESSIVE RECORD.
WHATEVER YOU DO, ANTONY
DON'T TELL HIM I'M A DOG.
WHY NOT?
SPEAK WHEN YOU'RE SPOKEN TO!
BECAUSE THE QUEEN HAS GOT
SOME TERRIBLE PLAN.
MY WHOLE KINGDOM MAY BE IN JEOPARDY.
NO ONE MUST KNOW I'M HELPLESS.
ALL RIGHT.
WHERE IS THE QUEEN?
I WISH I WAS HOME.
I WISH VIRGINIA AND I
WERE BACK IN OUR APARTMENT
IN NEW YORK NOW.
WELL...
IT SEEMS YOU'RE NOT.
( coughing )
( gagging )
OH, NO, ANTONY!
YOU DIDN'T SWALLOW A DRAGON
DUNG BEAN, YOU MORON!
I GUESS THAT MEANS I'VE HAD ALL
MY WISHES, HUH?
HOW DID THE QUEEN ESCAPE?
I'M TELLING YOU, I HAVE NO IDEA!
THEN WHY WERE YOU FOUND LOCKED IN HER EMPTY CELL?
I AM AN INNOCENT VICTIM.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THE POLICE MY ENTIRE LIFE.
THEN WHY ARE YOU WEARING HANDCUFFS?
WELL, BECAUSE I'M WANTED FOR ARMED ROBBERY
WHICH I DIDN'T
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH EITHER.
OH, CARRY ON, ANTONY.
YOU'RE DOING SPECTACULARLY WELL
SO FAR.
I'M FROM A DIFFERENT DIMENSION.
I CAME HERE FROM A DIFFERENT DIMENSION
LED BY THAT DOG, WHO IS ACTUALLY PRINCE WENDELL.
OH, I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY THAT.
PRINCE WENDELL?
LOOK, I CAN MAKE YOU BREAK ROCKS
WITH YOUR TEETH
FOR 100 YEARS.
( clinking )
I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S THE TRUTH.
THAT IS THE QUEEN'S DOG.
SHE HAS BEEN PERMITTED
TO KEEP HIM IN HER CELL FOR THREE YEARS.
DON'T INSULT
MY INTELLIGENCE.
I'M NOT. IT'S THE TRU...
ALL RIGHT, I'LL PROVE IT.
BARK ONCE IF I'M TELLING THE TRUTH.
I HAVE NO INTENTION OF BARKING, ANTONY.
HE IS BEING JUST STUBBORN.
YOU HAVE TO LET ME GO IMMEDIATELY.
I THINK MY DAUGHTER WAS ABDUCTED BY TROLLS.
THAT'S ENOUGH!
I'LL GET THE TRUTH OUT OF YOU
SOON ENOUGH.
WARDER, REMOVE HIS HANDCUFFS.
ISSUE HIM WITH PRISON UNIFORM
AND PUT HIM IN
UH... YES!
PUT HIM IN 103 WITH ACORN THE DWARF
AND CLAY FACE
THE GOBLIN.
CLAY FACE THE GOBLIN?
I DON'T WANT TO BE PUT IN ANY ROOM WITH CLAY FACE...
NO!
WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER?
WHAT ABOUT THE QUEEN'S DOG, SIR?
GET THE FURNACE GOING.
I'LL SLIP SOME RAT POISON
IN HIS DINNER TONIGHT, AND WE'LL CHUCK HIM
IN THE INCINERATOR TOMORROW.
Prince Wendell: DID YOU HEAR THAT?
ANTONY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
YOU HAVE TO GET ME OUT.
IT'S YOUR DUTY.
GET HER IN THE BOAT.
GET HER IN THERE.
HEY, THAT'S MY BOAT.
IT'S OURS NOW.
NOW, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
( trolls yelling )
Blabberwort: SIT DOWN AND STEER!
( all yelling )
MIDDLE BUNK.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?
UM... ACTUALLY, A PRETTY SERIOUS BANK ROBBERY.
COUPLE OF PEOPLE GOT HURT
BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES.
AND YOU?
AGGRAVATED ASSAULT.
I'VE VERY EASILY AGGRAVATED.
I'M ACORN.
GOT ANY METAL ON YOU?
KNIVES? FORKS?
COAT-HANGERS?
SORRY.
IF YOU GET STABBED...
SAVE THE KNIFE FOR ME, WON'T YOU?
OF COURSE.
DO YOU LIKE CARVING?
WELL, NOT FLESH OR ANYTHING.
LOOK WHAT I'M DOING.
AH.
YOU'VE GOT REAL TALENT.
MY NAME'S CLAY FACE, THE GOBLIN.
TONY.
WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?
CARVING.
WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?
WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT ENTAIL?
Bluebell: ROW!
Blabberwort: WHEN WE'RE HOME, I'M GOING TO LET YOU HAVE IT!
KEEP ROWING.
I'M ROWING.
ANY MINUTE NOW...
I'M SURE PRINCE WENDELL WILL ARRIVE
TO RECEIVE THE CORONATION THRONE
WHICH OUR CRAFTSMEN
HAVE TIRELESSLY SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS MAKING.
HE'S NOT COMING, IS HE?
OF COURSE HE IS.
HAVE NO WORRY.
I'M SURE HE'S BEEN DELAYED FOR A VERY GOOD REASON.
HORRIBLE NEWS.
THERE'S BEEN A BREAKOUT FROM THE PRISON.
THE QUEEN HAS ESCAPED.
THE QUEEN?
THE QUEEN.
PUT UP THE ROADBLOCKS.
SHE MUST BE CAUGHT OR WE'RE DOOMED.
OH, WONDERFUL NEWS!
WONDERFUL NEWS.
PRINCE WENDELL IS COMING.
THANK GOODNESS.
HE'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO.
( townspeople cheering )
WELCOME TO BEANTOWN
YOUR MAJESTY...
PSST. ANTONY.
OVER HERE.
BEHIND THE GOVERNOR'S DOOR.
HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME?
YOU HAVE A DISTINCTIVE UNWASHED SMELL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M SCRUBBING THE FLOOR.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING?
HAVE YOU GOT A SOAP BAR?
WELL, YES.
WHAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO WASH YOU?
NO, JUST STAY THERE. DON'T GO AWAY.
PRINCE...
THIS IS THE GOVERNOR'S MASTER KEY.
MAKE AN IMPRESSION IN THE SOAP.
HE'LL BE BACK ANY MOMENT.
HERE.
VERY STUBBORN STAIN, SIR.
Bluebell: I THINK SHE'S WAKING UP.
GOOD MORNING.
( all laughing )
GET SOMEONE OVER HERE.
Prisoners: WE PROMISE TO SERVE PRINCE WENDELL
KIND AND BRAVE MONARCH OF THE FOURTH KINGDOM
AND PLEDGE TO MEND OUR NAUGHTY WAYS
SO THAT WE MAY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
( all grumbling and muttering )
WHAT IS THIS STUFF?
BAKED BEANSTALK.
BAKED BEANS?
BEANSTALK.
( gags )
MY GOD!
I CAN'T EAT THAT.
IT TASTES LIKE AN OLD MATTRESS!
NO, IT DOESN'T.
OLD MATTRESS HAS A SWEATY, MEATY TASTE.
AND HOW OFTEN IS THIS ON THE MENU?
THREE TIMES A DAY.
THAT'S BEANSTALK JUICE.
TAKES A BIT OF GETTING USED TO.
( gags )
LISTEN, UM...
LET'S SAY I WANTED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY
AND I WANTED TO GET SOMETHING... MADE.
FOR INSTANCE-- FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT--
A SMALL PIECE OF METAL.
WHO WOULD I HAVE TO TALK TO?
I MEAN, WHO'S MR. BIG AROUND HERE?
IF YOU WANT ANYTHING
BOUGHT, SOLD, BORROWED OR MADE IN HERE
YOU HAVE TO SEE THE TOOTH FAIRY.
UH... THE WHO?
THE PRISON DENTIST.
AH.
UH... AND HOW WOULD I GET TO SEE HIM?
OH, UM... THAT'S EASY.
OH, YEAH?
( yells )
( knocking )
OH, OH... THAT'S NO GOOD.
THEY'LL ALL HAVE TO COME OUT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "COME OUT"?
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN
LOOKED IN MY MOUTH YET.
SIT DOWN.
I-I...
COME ON.
THERE. THAT'S IT.
( chuckles )
THERE.
W-WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CANDY?
WHAT? YOU'RE A DENTIST.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE GIVING PEOPLE CANDY.
WHY NOT?
WELL, BECAUSE IT ROTS TEETH.